Thursday, June 30, 2016

Summer Sweater + Yellow Fringe Heels

Hey guys! I love wearing light sweaters in the summer and pairing it with shorts and flip flops, or in this case, ripped denim and fun heels. These yellow fringe heels are everything. I'm totally digging these kicks. 

My hubby got me the Apple Watch for my birthday and it's great. I especially love tracking my workouts (aka walking slowly through my neighborhood) and that I can respond to texts and answer calls from my watch when I'm home. My husband is always getting mad at me for not answering or responding when I'm home because I can't find my phone. Ha! Now I just leave it charging and wear my watch. I am a big fan! I loooooove the rose gold and have gotten so many compliments on it. I highly recommend it for moms who are already carrying 1,000 things and this way you can just leave your phone in your purse but still know when someone is trying to reach you!

I have a couple pairs of tassel earrings and think they are so fun. This bright pink pair from Bauble Bar is awesome. I love bright colors! :) Also, this Starbucks "purple drink" is off the menu. Depending on who is helping you at Starbucks, they either enjoy making different drinks, or get super annoyed. I was lucky enough to get the guy that happily told me, "UGH, I hate when people order these drinks. It's awful." Uhhh... Ok? Soooo... Are you gonna make it?! After he did (with a lot of huffing and puffing) I asked him what it was called. He just shook his head. Hurry, someone grab this guy a CHILL PILL. Eye roll. I told him I would call it "pain in the ass". He cracked a half smile and I skipped away with my awesome purple drink. But, seriously. Lighten UP, people! Geez. 

Anyway, totally worth it. Drink is deLISH! Here is the recipe: Very Berry Refresher with vanilla soy milk with no added water and blackberries. OR this recipe: Passion Iced Tea with soy milk, vanilla and blackberries. Tag me with your Purple Drink! :) @whatsup_buttarcup (One of my favorite go-to gift ideas for any occasion: Starbucks Gift Card)

Black Sweater HERE - Similar HERE
Yellow Fringe Heels HERE - Similar HEREHERE - Flats HERE
Ripped Denim HERE - Similar HERE + HERE
Apple Watch HERE
Similar White Bracelets HERE
Cross Ring HERE - Similar HERE
Pink Tassel Earrings HERE - Similar HERE + HERE
Hot Pink Nail Polish HERE
Ray Bans HERE
Bar Necklace HERE
Heart Necklace (with kids initials) HERE
Pink Lipstick Angel - Pink Gloss Saint Germain

Monday, June 27, 2016

Mommy Monday - Trading Insecurities for Memories

Hey guys! If you're new to my blog and/or Mommy Monday, welcome! When I was pregnant with my son (now two - almost three!) I had no idea what I was about to experience postpartum. I was completely in love with my perfect baby boy, but also very overwhelmed, emotional and worried. I started this Mommy Monday series to hopefully provide support, resources and connections between moms. You can read about my postpartum experience HERE.

Today my friend, Rashelle, is talking about her insecurities with body image as a mom. It's tough watching your body change during pregnancy! And then the uphill battle we have to climb to feel like ourselves again. I completely relate to this post and I hope I can relax and enjoy my kids more (instead of worrying about my back fat bouncing around while I chase after my kids!! LOL, but not funny.)

Rashelle and I met via Instagram! It's crazy how this little community we are creating can help us to build new and real friendships with people we wouldn't have met otherwise. She is also a blogger and you can check that out HERE. Enjoy!

My thighs have cellulite, my breasts are too saggy, my tummy is flabby and where did that underarm jiggle come from? For as long as I can remember, I have struggled with my weight/body insecurities and how they affect my life on a daily basis. For me, its an ongoing, every day struggle, from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to bed. I have tried every diet, “get skinny quick” program, diet pill, workout dvd, you name it and I have probably tried it. Getting to where I want my body to be is an ongoing struggle, but I am working on it, some days more than others, but I am getting there.
Summer has arrived which means swimming pools and let me tell you I have avoided them for years! The thought of wearing a swimsuit gives me extreme anxiety (even saying swimsuit makes me cringe.) I don’t care if you are tall, short, small busted, big busted, are extremely fit, have never worked out a day in your life or if you have had a baby or not, chances are you are a little scared to be in that swimsuit.

This summer is like none other as I have two kids, one being a 3 year old son that is obsessed with water.  About a month ago he started asking me multiple times a day if we could go to the pool, because of my insecurities, I found myself making every excuse in the book as to why we couldn’t go and that wasn’t fair to him, so I finally gave in. I didn’t even own a swimsuit so I was the mom that was a little lot insecure of her post-baby body, that was fully clothed, dipping her toes in the water. One day as we were leaving I asked Preston, “ Did you have fun at the pool today?” and his response was “How come you never get in the pool with me?  I really want you to come in the water and play with me, mom” … heart broke. Was I really letting my insecurities affect my son? Its my job as a mother to teach my kids how to be confident and how to overcome insecurities they might have (of course my hope is that they will never develop insecurities at all, but come on, lets be honest here) …maybe I should learn overcome my insecurities first. Having insecurities doesn’t make us weak and it doesn’t have to define who we are, it just means we are human! We feel and hurt and sometimes more then we like to admit, but I couldn’t believe I was setting a horrible example and modeling unhealthy behavior to my children. I needed to figure out how I could overcome my insecurities in a healthy way so that someday I can guide my children to overcome theirs.

I loaded both kids in the car and headed to Nordies and tried on tons of swimsuits (why doesn’t Nordstrom serve wine for women trying on swimsuits? I definitely could have used a glass, or a bottle, to help get me through that torture) and I told myself I wasn’t leaving until I picked one out.
Fast forward a few days later when Preston asked if we could go to the pool. I knew this was coming, but I kept checking the forecast hoping it was going to rain, but of course it was sunny and 100 degrees so off to the pool we went. The first thing I found myself doing was comparing my body to all the other moms, I wanted to run sprint out of there, but I sucked it up and took off my swimsuit cover. Preston got into the pool and immediately yelled “ mom, come in the pool with me” , so I took a deep breath and jumped in….his face instantly lit up with happiness and at that moment, all of my insecurities seemed to fade away. We had the best time giggling, splashing around together and making memories that will last a lifetime.

From that day forward I told myself… I refuse to miss out on my kids pool induced giggles because of my insecurities. I refuse to sacrifice memories because of my flabby tummy and cellulite. At the end of the day its not about me, its about my kids and I want them to remember splashing and twirling in the water with there mom and jumping off the edge of the pool into my arms. I want them to be able to look back and remember that their mom was there with them having fun, not just sitting on the sidelines observing.

I want to encourage all of you beautiful moms out there to put your insecurities aside, put on that swimsuit and jump into the pool with your kiddos… I promise you wont regret it!

My son just turned 3 on the 24th and we had a pool party to celebrate!


Sunday, June 26, 2016

4th of July Style - Red, White + Blue

It's almost 4th of July! Yay! We love fireworks, Ryder especially. Last year he was SO cute watching them and saying, "fireworks! Fireworks!!!" over and over again. Cutest thing ever. Tim and I were cracking up. He asked about fireworks every night for months. I hope he gets as excited again this year. He's the cutest!!

Anyway, I love getting the family all dressed up in their Red, white and blue! MERICA! I thought I would link some of the items I'm currently digging that would be great for the 4th. And, look at these adorable kids. I mean, I can't even handle it.

This silly grin!

How cute is the back of this dress?! :)

She's closer to walking than I'm willing to admit. Loves to "walk" while we help guide her.

Thigh rolls! All the heart eyes...

I had to bribe Ryder with candy. So far, it's working. I'm screwed when that no longer works. No other tricks up my sleeve. Soooo... that's banana laffy taffy in his mouth. Eye roll.

OMG I love him. And I love that he's so willing to kiss and hug me. He's always saying "hold you". Meaning he wants you to hold/carry him. Sometimes it's really annoying and more than I can handle (because I'm already carrying 15 things) but I know I will MISS these days when he no longer wants to be carried and won't hold my hand while watching Paw Patrol. He's so funny right now and I don't want him to grow up!! :(

I seriously can't believe these are mine. I made them. They are awesome and it's these little moments that absolutely meltttttt meeeeeeee. (Blake is "chatting" here. She's very chatty lately and loves to "talk" to us. It's adorable!!)

Navy Off Shoulder Shift Dress - similar to my dress shown
Red V Neck T Shirt - love this tee!!
Red Lipstick (color: ruby woo) - wearing
Red TB Flip Flops - wearing
Michael Kors Watch - wearing

V Neck T Shirt - love these
Trucker Hat - love

Native Shoes - love these!!!
Baseball Tee - love

Open Back Eyelet Dress - what Blake is wearing. SO cute.
One piece outfit - darling!!
Swimsuit - adorable
Canvas Shoes - Blake is wearing in pics

Friday, June 24, 2016

Checkered Dress + Colored Flip Flops

Happy Friday! I'm loving easy outfits I can throw on. I'm totally crushing on this plaid shirtdress from Denver Street Boutique. My exact dress is sold out (dang it!) but I linked similar ones I am loving below. These dresses are so easy and fun to throw on. I love outfits that require little to no thought! 

I have these flip flops (and this reversible tote!) in two colors. Love both of these items and always reach for them. The flip flops are a bit of a splurge, but so worth it. It's an easy way to feel a bit more dressed up, while still being very comfortable. I wear my nude version of this flip flop allllll the time. 

My monogram necklace, watch and bracelet are all linked below. I have worn these and talked about them before, so you know how much I love these items! This monogram necklace is such a fun gift to give someone for a wedding gift, birthday gift, etc. 

Had a couple people ask me about false lashes I love. I don't wear them regularly, but love the added pop of lashes when going out! Would you guys like for me to write about brands and styles of false lashes I love wearing that won't break the bank?? Would love to know what you guys are interested in. Just let me know and I'll try to answer questions and link items I love! XO

Similar Plaid Shirtdress HERE, HEREHERE + HERE
Tory Burch Flip Flops - Similar HERE
Michael Kors Watch
Stella and Dot Bracelet

Wednesday, June 22, 2016

Casual Black Dress + Must-Have Military Vest for Date Night

Casual outfit for a casual date night with my hubs! Sometimes we barely have the energy for date nights, but just getting a quick dinner together is so nice! I crave time alone with Tooth and love any amount of time we get together. We decided to squeeze in a sushi date night last week and... Heaven! I love early dinners in the summer time. Patios, drinks, sunshine and the cool evening breeze. The best. This outfit is so comfortable and easy. I actually wore this dress when I was massively pregnant, too! You can read that post HERE. So funny looking back at my big bump and revisiting how it felt to be so pregnant! 

I love mixing up my arm candy - and the bright colors!! This cross body RM bag is one of my favs. And these flips flops... I live in them. 

Rebecca Minkoff Crossbody
Tory Burch Flip Flops
Also love THESE
Kendra Scott Necklace // Bar Necklace
Custom Diamonds by Mark's Diamonds
(Contact me to create your own custom pieces!)

Monday, June 20, 2016

Mommy Monday - Hind Sight is 20/20

Mondays feel better when I know I have Mommy Monday to look forward to! I have enjoyed this series so much and love the little community we are all creating with these blog posts! If you are reading this/these blogs, I hope you're feeling encouraged, less "alone" and motivated to continue on this motherhood journey, knowing that you have a tribe of wonderful women who are just like you. Struggling, emotional, sad, happy, overwhelmed, tired, depressed, anxious, blessed, thrilled, giddy, etc. Today my friend Emily is talking about her experience with depression, anxiety, eating disorders, marriage, etc. Her story is a beautiful story. She is a hoot!! I love her and her ups and downs have made her a wonderful and strong woman. I challenge you to not cry while reading this. Good luck. ;)


Where to begin?!  I have so much I could share. Being a mom has been quite the experience. I have to give a little back story about myself... My first baby was born in 1999. I placed him for adoption. I was unmarried and almost 19. I held him for two days in the hospital and then through teary and tired eyes, I handed him to a social worker. I had known the social worker the last few months of my pregnancy as he helped prepare me mentally to relinquish my rights to my baby and find parents for him. I could write all night about that experience, but I wont. I share that to acknowledge that perhaps that experience changed me. I know it did. Everything we experience shapes and molds us. Looking back, I realize that when I finally did have a baby when I married (about six years later) I was so excited and overjoyed!! Maybe too excited. Because when things got difficult as a new mom and postpartum hit me, I took it even harder.

I had fantasized that being a mother was going to be wonderful! I would be amazing at it and deep down I would somehow make up for the unready teen mom I had once been and the embarrassment I had caused and endured because of my ‘sin” of premarital sex. In reality, being a new mom was so tough. I was fortunate to be able to stay home with my little guy and be there for his every little need and nurse him every two painful hours! There were times though I was jealous that my husband got to leave each day.

My baby also wasn’t an easy going little man (he spit up after every feeding, he latched on and off throughout feedings. It hurt like hell. He grunted all through the night, slept and napped so light, hated his car seat, needed his paci or my nips constantly)... you get the idea! He is 11 now, so it’s kinda funny reflecting back this far, but I still remember weeks into his life feeling SO tired and thinking I would never recover from it all. I also remember calling my mom a few times and asking her how the heck she had FIVE babies. WHY would anyone keep doing this I would think!!??

Today.... I now have 4 kids!!!  I wish I could go back to just having one kiddo somedays and just be THAT tired and THAT needed. Hind sight is soooooo 20/20!!!

I should also mention I have struggled with a pretty nasty eating disorder the last 12 years. It began a few years after being married and before becoming a mom. It’s been awful. I do not wish mental illness or disorders on anyone. Trying to be an amazing mother to your precious little babies, toddlers and growing kids is hard enough without these feelings and behaviors lurking in your mind and sucking up your energy.

I will always be so, so grateful for my sweet kids. I was blessed to be able to get pregnant easily, maybe too easily! I had great pregnancies. I felt good and slept like a rock. The only tough part was that I would struggle each time with watching my body grow and the scale moving up and up. I would also get anxiety each time and wonder if I was doing the right thing by having another baby. Could I handle it? Could I give all my children the love and attention they needed?! That made my depression and eating disorder worse during the pregnancies. Luckily, despite my disorder, I had full term, healthy sized babies and easy deliveries.

The postpartum though!????  Are you kidding me?  People would come to visit, or see me out running errands and tell me I looked great. I would smile and say I was fine and just tired but on the inside... I felt like hiding in my room for two days.

Don't get me wrong, I loved my newborn babies. I loved them too much...  I couldn’t sleep if they weren’t sleeping. I couldn’t be calm if they were not calm (anxiety over here big time!). If they were being held by a friend, or family, or hell... even their own daddy... I was nervous and prepared for them to freak out!

I would get anxious every time I loaded them in the car to run errands. I nursed each of my babies. It was SO hard. They all nursed every two hours during the day. I swear I only produced fat free breast milk. The last two babies I started supplementing more and that helped them go three hours between feedings... that was an improvement!

I would joke and tell people ALL OF THE TIME that I would rather be pregnant for four more months than do the first four months of a newborn's life.  It’s so, so much easier when you are pregnant. The babies are warm, fed, with you, sleep a lot, don’t have acid reflux, don’t have to be diapered every two hours, don’t get diaper rash, don’t cry, don’t need baths, and my favorite... are not required to be strapped into a carseat.

Yeah! These are things I would say to people... even strangers who are just saying “congrats on your cute baby!”  I would be such a hot/tired/non-showered/depressed MESS that I would start telling them my dream of placing my baby back inside me. Because all though I was uncomfy, we were both happier that way! Right?! I know, I’m a walking poster child for postpartum depression!! Although, I’m not. I hide it, and well. Too well! The use of caffeine, fake lashes, dry shampoo and lipstick can mask A LOT!

Not to mention, people would focus on how my body looked after having a baby (I never gained more than 20-30lbs). It is nice to be told you aren’t fat, but at the same time it would reinforce the benefit of the eating disorder I struggle with (of course 90% of people didn’t know I struggle with the disorder).

People mean well, but there were many days during the last 11 years of having these four babies that I just wanted to cry about it all. I just wanted to sit and cry and then have a nap. Not a 15 minute nap, mind you. It takes me 30 minutes to just calm my brain down!! I mean like a 2-3 hr nap. The kind of nap I used to be able to take as a teenager, or a college student. Those days are so, so gone though. The past 11 years have been so, so hard.

Hard on me, and hard on my marriage. My husband loves me, I know he does. He has tried to “fix” me to no avail. He works hard and is successful and provides for us all so beautifully, and I'm proud of us that we haven't given up yet in these last 15 years. In family pictures these last 11 years probably looked perfect (one of my pet peeves about social media. It can be overwhelming to subject yourself to pictures of perfectly groomed mommies and their babies, or friends working out, or people vacationing)!!  I'm happy for them, really I am. And maybe my posts look like that some days but most days I wake up tired and depressed, knowing my day will just be filled with potty training and cleaning house and feeding my nine month old and three year old and cleaning it up and then doing it over and over and over while watching Baby Einstein shows that I have had memorized since my first sons baby years in 2005!!!!

My three year old is a handful by the way, he is a tough one. I could write a book about him. In a nut shell, he seems a bit bipolar (no offense to those who are bipolar. I actually have been told I am by a few med professionals). He can be so dang cute, I could eat his cheeks and cuddle him all day! Then other moments I feel like such a failure as a parent and feel like he bossing me and the whole family around all day.

My three year old (who says he is eight) and my nine month old little guy just have me so, so busy. I feel like I can’t sit down and I get jealous of moms that do!! I know these years will pass but as they say "the days are long, but the years are short". It is true!

When I see my older kids walk from the car into school, or I just have a quiet moment where I watch them and notice how lean and tall they are now as opposed to a few years ago when they were waddling around in their little toddler bodies. I just become overwhelmed with a lot of feelings. I'm sad, but I'm also so proud and honored to be their mom.  To have been there every day for them. To have watched so many of their firsts in life!! Then I tend to get overwhelmed with the thoughts of maybe I'm not doing a good enough job with my older two kids. I reminisce (too often... It's the depression) about when they were my only two kids. Although they were a handful, and those were tough years... to an extent I felt like I had it together.  I didn’t feel to thinly spread. I am now though!! I have had to become THAT mom that needs help getting her kids to and from events because I am nursing constantly or have a crazy toddler, or a napping baby. Ok, all of that at the SAME time is the reality!! When I just had my two kids I swore I would never be one of those kind of moms...

“Were the last two of your babies accidents” you may ask?!  Nope! Somehow I got brave and crazy enough when I was about 31 to think, "I only have a few more baby making years... am I really done with just two kids!?! " Another fun fact about me is that I was raised mormon and my husband was as well.   So... yada, yada, yada. We now have FOUR!

What I'm leading to is many days I wake up feeling overwhelmed, thinking I made the wrong choice, getting in over my head. Those are tough feelings to deal with every day. It also is quite embarrassing to share them on social media. Although, I think its okay. I know I love all my kids, I know I do the best I can every day! I think as moms we should be able to be more open and honest and know we are not going to be judged.

I sometimes like to be ridiculously open about things so others feel like its ok to share their reality or let down their guard down... Its REFRESHING!!

Now I feel as if I have just been complaining and negative through this and want to end with sharing two simple moments that have occurred just tonight as I try to bust out this writing piece!

I had to get up numerous times but the two that stick out are these...

My super tired three year old  (who says he is eight, Brody) wanted me to read to him and lay by him... REALITY: He currently sleeps on OUR MASTER BEDROOM floor in a sleeping bag (I don’t let my kids sleep in our bed) almost every night.  He used to sleep like a champ in his crib but the transition to a bed has been awful. Anyway, as I read he interrupts frequently as he smothers me in kisses and tell me probably 3 times “I wuv you mom” and I always tell him... "I love you more, Brody."

Next up, my baby (nine months) went down to bed at 8:00pm and normally sleeps all night but woke up around 10:00pm tonight. The paci wouldn’t cut it, so we cuddled as walked around the house straightening up and then making a bottle (I know, I know... "breast is best" and I did it with each baby. But this last little guy only got it for seven months. My postpartum was too bad. When my baby was about six months old my mom and sister (who both live out of state) encouraged me to wean him and get on more meds than just prozac. I cried about it and felt guilty and did it a few weeks later.

K, so warm BOTTLE instead of WARM BOOB, but I walked him back to his room and laid with him on the big queen bed next to his crib. I got to kiss his chubby baby hands as I tried to teach him how to hold his bottle. He smells amazing still from his bath, his eyes are getting heavy with each suck.  He just melts each time I kiss his chubby arms and cheeks and soaks up the attention (he is number four... he doesn’t get as much as he deserves some days). He pushes the bottle away after awhile and happily takes his paci. My heart could explode... One more huggie-squeeze and kiss on his warm neck as I move him into his crib. He cuddles up to his blankie and is quiet as I walk out. He is an ANGEL baby. Having had difficult babies really helps me appreciate how easy going he has been!! Those kind of moments, those smells, those sounds of humming to him as he drinks are what I hope to remember most.

The anxiety, the busyness, the missed showers, the lack of a social life, the chaotic dinner times (where I feel like a robot forcing food into a toddler with one hand, spoon feeding a baby with the other and mentally evaluating how I need to watch to not eat too much when its my turn to get a bite so that I don’t start a binge), and then of course, the clean up and the bed time routine that feels like three hours some nights!!!!

These four amazing kids have worn me out, pushed my limits, stretched my body, increased my anxiety, and made me appreciate and fantasize about my bed and sleeping more than a human probably should. But they also have taught me how to care, how to put others first, how to anticipate any problem or minut thing that could make a baby/toddler/kid sad or freak out, how to play pretend again, how to talk calmly and not yell (even when they deserve it) because it breaks my heart to see their faces if I do yell, how to MULTI TASK... like no other, how to be grateful for my own parents and their sacrifice in raising a family, and how to love unconditionally.  And so many other things and so much more to come, I'm sure.

It's a challenging role, but I couldn't IMAGINE my life any other way... what would I do with all of that free time?!? Watch TV? Well, maybe someday I will watch a show that I want again some day. Until then, I will just keep looking for those sweet moments of the day and use those to get me thru it all!

Thanks for reading! I hope in some way you felt validated as a mom, or maybe you compared yourself to me and realized YOU are doing WAY better than I am. LOL Or maybe you just were entertained!!!


This is Emily and her adorable family. Isn't she gorgeous? Huge THANK YOU to Emily for being so open and raw on this post. She said a lot of things mothers think and feel, but don't feel comfortable to say it out loud. Emily, you are doing a beautiful job with those babies. Love you!

Articles that helped me and my hubby understand anxiety HERE and HERE.

Catch up on Mommy Monday here:

Thursday, June 16, 2016

Old Navy SALE - Summer Wardrobe - Up to 50% OFF

Hey guys! HUGE sale happening over at Old Navy. Hurry FAST!! Please tell me I'm not the only one online shopping for my babies at night after they're both sleeping peacefully in their beds. :) I miss themmmm. I am stocking up on must-have items for the kids at Old Navy and thought I'd share with you guys what I'm getting the kiddos so you can head over and see the adorable summer clothes and get some while they're on sale! If you buy things in sale, you're basically making money. Right?! ;)

Palm Tree Pocket Tank
Camo T-Shirt - I love camo!
Casual Jersey Pants
Strip Button Up Shirt
Boat Shoes :)
Graphic PJs
Graphic Rashguard Swim
Swim Trunks
Canvas Shorts
Skinny Bermuda Shorts
Pink Floyd T Shirt
Printed T Shirt

I'm focusing on Ryder and Blakely because I get a lot of their clothes from here and like to stock up when they are having big sales. 
Old Navy, Gap, Banana Republic and Athleta are sister companies and ALL have sales right now. Gap has some AMAZING things for babies (like THIS) and toddlers (like THIS). But I have to stop myself somewhere! Happy Shopping! :)