What's Up Buttarcup: support

Showing posts with label support. Show all posts

Monday, August 29, 2016

Mommy Monday - Real Friends Are So Important

Hey mamas! My wonderful friend Julie is here today. Julie and I met through a life group at church 5 years ago! Today she is talking about why it's important that we don't go through this motherhood journey alone. On the days (or weeks or months) that we feel like we're sinking, it's wonderful to know you have other women in your corner to love on you and remind you everything will be ok! Motherhood can be a lonely place if you're doing it alone. Julie's perspective on refocusing on God and others is beyond refreshing!

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I think we can all agree this mommy thing is soooo amazing, hilarious, blissful, and fun, but oh soooo very HARD! No one should do it alone.

If you are anything like me, you've caught yourself in those daydream moments remembering when.....
-I repelled a 150' cliff attached only to a small tree
- travelled all over New Zealand by myself
- sat for hours at a park alone reading/praying
- ran down a steep cliff and jumped (hang gliding)
.... And I did it all by myself! Oh the glory days.

My boys tell me all the time "No Mommy, I do it." They want no assistance. It proves they are "big" boys (a whopping 2 1/2 and 3 1/2) and no longer need their mother. I acknowledged that I do this same thing using a little more acceptable language. "I've got it, thanks! Or Thanks for offering, but I'm fine." I have a deeply embedded drive to prove to the world (which is: everyone I think is looking) that I'm just fine, thank you very much! And we do "got this", for the most part. But why be okay with fine? I want to be fantastic, awesome, amazing, over flowing with joy! I challenge you to hope and believe that no matter how good (or wretched) your life is right now, there is even better waiting for you.

My mission today is to help us dig deep, get vulnerable, and support your girl tribe. The motivator behind this is a pervasive and constant sense of well being. (Aka JOY!) I want this for all of us and believe we can have it!

A hurdle, for me, is the thought, " How can I possibly think about others when I'm sinking?!!!" The answer I have worked out for myself is so elementary easy, it's embarrassing. Two words..... Stop. Start.
1. Stop...worrying about my world. God's got it completely under control.
2. Start....listening to others. Really listening.
My sister in law is the BEST at this!! English is her second (sorry, maybe third language) and she can read between the lines and put herself in my shoes like no one I've ever met. Then there's Stef, that articulates what I'm thinking and how I'm feeling WAY better than I can for myself and then sees what lies ahead.
When you've heard their story, shoot them a text or call later asking how things are working out. It's truly amazing how my life simplifies itself when I do these two simple things. Stop. Start. It allows me a fresh perspective and creates a connection which I so desperately need. Another perk, is my prayer life gets more intentional. Definite bonus!

These two simple steps open doors for celebrating big and small wins with your girl tribe, allowing for a fresh perspective, and deeper connections. It also gives you and me a chance to roll our sleeves up and get even messier than we already are. By messy, I really mean REAL. May I remind us that we are human? Yes, image barrers of God but also fallen, imperfect, sojourners of a rocky path. We trip. We fall. We might even yard sale a few times. (The ski term, not scoping out your neighbor's no-longer desired belongings) We are emotional, too; like it or not (which most of the time I don't like). We were created to experience a wide range of intangible feelings. BUT we weren't created to experience it all alone.

"Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another." (Heb. 10:25) Or the message says it like this... "Let's see how creative we can be in encouraging love and helping out, not avoiding community as some do but spurring each other on, especially as we see the big Day approaching. "

Don't back away when things get sad or dark. (Like I do 😔) I hid in a hole when my dad died and I was pregnant with my first. I shyed away when we moved twice in two years with a new born and toddler. I can say from experience life is much sweeter when you let a friend(s) in and allow them to help you out of that hole.

Our very own sweet Stef, is the perfect example of being the friend that pulls you out. We were in the thick of moving and I. Was. Overwhelmed. I wasn't sick or dying or anything major. Just sinking. She showed up at my door, with Ryder on her hip and asked "what can I do to help?" She ordered pizza, recruited our small group, took my husband's dry cleaning, and loaded her car up numerous times. I was so deep in the woods and couldn't see a way out. Stef stopped worrying about her life and showed up in mine and blessed me beyond what I deem an acceptable act of love and friendship. (Side Note: Sarah Krebs helped me wrap all my flower vases and ran across a spider. Which is beyond her comfort zone AND she continued on.) Friends. REAL friends. I'm so glad I opened the door and let them in that day. My pride took a back seat, like last row on a 15 passenger van. All my crap and junk drawers were open and exposed, dead spiders in my flower vases, they brought all the food and served me and my family. But mostly me and my dark overwhelmed heart.

I look back at that night and a smile emerges. A deep sense of contentment, peace and overwhelming LOVE fills me. The intangible. The stuff I want to fill my life. So dig deep, get vulnerable, support your crew. You will experience the joy of living.

Love to all you lovely mama's!

-Julie

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Ok, her "glory days" list. What?! Wow. I knew one of the things on that list. Every time I learn new things about her I'm like sesh, you're cool!!!

You have an adventurous soul, Julie. I sure do hope it rubs off on me! Often times I am texting her while sitting on the family room floor, still in my pjs and struggling to find the energy to play with the same plastic tools for the 1,483rd time that morning. When she writes back it goes something like this: Oh, hey! I'll call you later. The boys and I just left the library. On our way to the museum and then we're gonna go grab stuff to make homemade guacamole together tonight." WHAT?!!?!? Come. On. LOL Makin the rest of us moms look bad. AKA - ME! ;)

To be honest, I was kind of cringing reading the kind words she said about me. Why is it to hard to hear others say good things about us? Anyone else relate to this?! Truth is, Julie has been by my side through a LOT of my struggles. Individually and in my marriage. She is a gift to me. More than she'll ever know. I feel so safe with her. She loves on me and lifts me up and will also call me on my shit when I need it. Julie has served me and my family over and over again. With a big, giant smile on her face. It's the best!

I hope you all have wonderful friends in your life. I don't know how I would survive motherhood (or really just life) without the amazing women I am so lucky to have in my life. If you're in a new town or just need some more positive friendships in your life, join a church! Join a small group, meet up with new people. Talk to other moms at the pool, the park, preschool drop off. Chances are, the women you're reaching out to need someone too.

I hope you're all having a great Monday. Cheers to the blessings we've been given (our little babies) and to Bachelor in Paradise on tonight. ;) Anyone else guilty pleasure??

Catch up on Mommy Monday blogs here:

Samantha's Story
Nicole's Story
Mel's Story

Monday, August 22, 2016

Mommy Monday - Sacrifice

Hey guys! Hope you started your Monday off with a skip in your step. My Mondays are always better when I get a lot of "chores" done over the weekend. I've been seriously slacking lately and felt so overwhelmed with my to-do list yesterday, but we accomplished a lot of it! Church. Check. Birthday party for a friend (with horsie rides and food trucks!). Check. Laundry. Check. Organized kids closets and my own. Check. Wash cars. Check. Family dinner. Check.

The to-do list never ends! But I love the quote "a Sunday well spent brings a week of content." This is SO true. I love having quality time with my family and getting a lot of chores done to start the week off right. Things just feel better when the house and car are organized. Anyone else feel this way!? (Click HERE to see what I *try* to do every night to stay on top of my chores!)

Today my friend Mel is talking about the sacrifices we make as a mother. It's so refreshing to hear mothers talk about how hard motherhood is. Sometimes I catch myself thinking ugh I just want a nap or OMG I'm needed every freaking second!!!!! SOS Leave me alone! These thoughts tend to leave me feeling guilty and like I'm the worst mother on the planet. Then I remember I'm just human and SHIT, I'm tired. It's ok to be tired. Or overwhelmed. Or annoyed. It's ok to want time to yourself.

We may have a hard time with some of the sacrifices required during this motherhood journey. But I think we can all agree we'd do ANYTHING for our babies!!!!!!!! Even when they're whining and screaming and pulling your hair and crying at your feet while you take a poop. Can't I poop in silence anymore?! (Can I get an AMEN?!) Even when all that shenanigans is happening... You love them so much, it hurts. No one can understand the joy and pain this causes more than our fellow mommy friends!

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Remember that time that you laid in bed til 11:00am, slowly got up... worked out, did whatever you wanted, whenever you wanted, ran all your errands ALONE… and yet somehow had days that you complained that you were “so tired” or “so busy” and had “so much to do”… whhhaattt??

Looking back, do you ever wonder… how on earth did I ever complain of being tired or busy..and lets be real, what on earth did I do with ALL THAT TIME!! HAH! Flash forward a few years and kiddos… and boom your mind, body, sleep, career, etc are all sacrificed.

Really, what I would give now for just ONE, yup, one simple hour to go get my hair cut, or walk in a store without a baby crying and a toddler running around like a mad man.

Yes, sacrifice, the ever changing constant of motherhood.

This is more on my mind as I recently had to make a hard decision and go back to working nights. Dreaded nightshift, never in a MILLION years did I ever think I work another one. In fact, I remember telling my friends, I would rather flip burgers at McDonalds then ever work a night shift again. Well, throw kiddos in the mix and the responsibilities of families and the challenges and expenses of childcare, etc..and here I am 7 years later... starting night shift AGAIN.

We all do it, everyday make those sacrifices, whether you’re a working mom, stay at home mom, it doesn’t matter…our lives have been taken over by tiny wonderful human beings.

So on those days that my baby is crying and I can’t put him down, and at the same time, my highly spirited, strong willed toddler is in full force meltdown mode… and I am losing it, just wishing I could have just 5 minutes without responsibility and all to myself…I have to remember the sweet sacrifice of being a mom.

Because it just takes one flash of a smile or a sweet sound---and I overcome with such love and gratitude for my children, reminding myself that I would sacrifice ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING for them. It is that deep deep overwhelming protective, endless, powerful, pure, beautiful love..that is motherhood. The sleepless nights, the grueling hard days, the great days, the struggles, the laughter… it is truly the hardest and most incredible gift in the world. I am beyond grateful for the opportunity to be a mother. So body, mind, sleep, and sanity… you just will have to take backseat.

-Mel

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She's right. It just takes one "flash of a smile" to turn the hard days around. Sometimes when I think I can't go on, my toddler is clearly trying to kill me or severely punish me for not getting him Cheez-Its and milk the SECOND he asked for them (eye roll), he says or does something so sweet and immediately melts me into a puddle. Or when he's all fresh and clean out of the bathtub and looks at me with puppy dog eyes in his cute pjs saying, "cuddle mommy??". That's it. I'm done. A puddle of goo. Both my kids have me wrapped around their tiny, chubby little fingers. And I wouldn't have it any other way!

If you're having a rough day (or week or month), hang in there. You're doing a great job! Just keep loving on those babies, mama! XO

Catch up on Mommy Monday blogs here:

Samantha's Story
Nicole's Story

Monday, August 15, 2016

Mommy Monday - Aussie Mum

Mommy Monday comin' in hot! Tonight my friend Nicole is talking about her experience becoming a mom while being away from family and in another country. Nicole and I were on Nuggets together for years and grew closer and closer each year. It's so fun to see close friends go from single life to married life and into their motherhood journey.

So grateful for amazing friends like Nicole. Years can go by without seeing each other, major life changes happen. But when you talk you just pick up right where you left off! She's always been there for me. I knew she was a true friend when I was feeling a little gassy before a date (back in 2006-ish) and she immediately pulled out the GasX she had in her purse for me. That's real friendship-love right there. #lifesaver

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So Now I’m a Mom..
Thank you Buttars for letting me write a guest post on your blog! This is a very exciting opportunity for me, a new mom, to share my experiences with other mom’s out there. I have loved hearing the other mom’s stories, I hope you all enjoy mine!

I have wanted to be a mom for as long as I can remember. I am the eldest of 4 girls, and I loved having little sisters to look after. I even planned my career around being able to only have to work part time once having kids so that I could stay home and raise them.

Things started falling into place in my late 20’s. I found the love of my life…and who would have guested he is an Aussie! We got married and settled down in Australia. I always wanted to live at a beach, funny how life works out. And then the moment came where we decided we were ready to start our family. Getting pregnant was not as easy as the movies make it seem! But all the doctor’s visits, poking and proding (IVF) was worth it. I got pregnant in 2014 and I couldn’t have been happier. I don’t know about you women out there, but this was one of the most exciting moments in my life. My dreams were all coming true! If only reality were as easy as the dream… Don’t get me wrong, I would do it all over again and in fact I will do it all over again; but I wish someone had sat me down to prepare me mentally and physically to have a child. These little humans are exciting, loving and draining all at the same time!

The day my daughter Maddison was born, words cannot describe how surreal the moment was. I cried I was so happy (and I am not the crying type). They put her on my chest and I could not believe how tiny her features were, and that I actually created this little miracle. But then she started crying. One of the midwives put her on my nipple (which she damaged immediately) but she still wouldn’t settle. I already felt like a bad mom. I had babysat so many times, why did I have no idea what to do with my own baby crying on me? The doctor said she was probably cold so took her to the “hot box.” I unfortunately had to have a c-section, so I was left in the operating room to be stitched up while my husband and baby went with the nurses. When they took Maddison away I felt a little relief which I immediately felt terrible about (the beginnings of mommy-guilt). I was not feeling very well (I found out later I lost a lot of blood), she was crying, and I didn’t know what to do. I was super tired from the meds they were giving me, so it was nice to lay there resting while the doctor finished stitching me up.

After 6 amazing but tiring days, we got to take our little princess home! It is such a relief to walk out of the hospital (well kind of walk) with your new healthy (sleep deprived and sore…but healthy) family! BUT THEN THINGS GET REAL! My husband is great. He is caring, funny and completely in love with me. But he had to go back to work. And that left me and little Maddison to figure this parenting thing out. My little princess didn’t want to sleep…and if she wasn’t sleeping, I WASN’T SLEEPING! I read every book on rules to follow to make sure your baby sleeps. I joined Facebook groups, I read articles…but nothing seemed to help. I hoped I would be different, that I would be the lucky one with the perfect baby that sleeps so well… but I wasn’t. Maddison is now 15 months old and has slept through the night a total of 3 months in her life and they were not consecutive! And this is hard ladies! The first month, I found myself crying myself to sleep because I was so sleep deprived and just wanted a good night’s rest. Even though Maddison is still not the best sleeper, I will say it gets a lot easier after the first 3 months sleep-wise. And just think, one day she’ll be a teenager and then I’ll be waking her up ☺

On top of being a terrible little sleeper, Maddison was a really fussy baby for her first three months. She wasn’t colic-y, she didn’t have reflux, she was just fussy. Luckily for 3 months she took the pacifier (or “dummy” in Australia) and enjoyed the stroller (aka pram), otherwise I might have gone mad. So here I am in beautiful Brisbane, 8,000 miles from my family in Colorado, with a husband who works a lot, and a fussy baby! Somedays I felt like the only thing I got done was breastfeeding! Forget cooking, cleaning and laundry…I couldn’t get my princess off my boob and down for a nap! On a side note, breastfeeding did not come easy for myself and Maddison, we had a few struggles which caused me a lot of pain. But after 2-3 months of meeting with lactation consultants, using nipple shields, and getting milk all over my house from “air drying,” breastfeeding finally started to feel natural, and I actually started to love it so much that I am still doing it to this day!

During those rough first 3 months that I like to call the survival period, I was really fortunate. Even though my husband worked a lot, he was so supportive and helpful, and at the 3 month mark of seeing too many tears, he suggested (or demanded) that I get some help. I was reluctant at first because 1.) how would I trust anyone with my baby, and 2.) I was a stay at home mom and that seemed silly to pay for help, but let me tell you, it was one of the best parenting tips I can give; get some help to get a little bit of “me-time.” If your baby is a good napper, use nap-time for a little me-time, or maybe you have family that lives nearby that can help out a couple hours a week. However you do it, I strongly recommend it. During my 5-10 hours of freedom a week, I usually workout or go the grocery store. Working out gives me some alone time, gives me energy, it is a release, and makes me feel a little bit better about my new mom body; all of which make me happy. When I am happy I am a better mom and a better wife, so all around a very good thing! Mom’s, a little alone time is a wonderful thing. Embrace it! Don’t ever feel guilty about needing it!

FAST FORWARD TO TODAY!
After the crazy first few months things do get easier, but there are still challenges. There are days I feel like I am in a fog and I am just barely making it through! There are some days when I feel like all I do is cook and clean and don’t spend enough time with my little princess. And then occasionally there are the good days; I feel that I was an awesome mom plus I got the house clean and dinner on the table (Maddison usually napped well on these days!). Every day is a new adventure with Maddison. Whether I am googling her poo color or downloading apps to tell me what developmental phase she is in, every day holds something new. There are days I want to go back to work so I can use my brain again and contribute to society, but then I think about what I would be missing. I get to see a healthy, beautiful girl growing up faster than I could ever imagine (even on my long days). Being a mom is hard! But it is truly rewarding and worth every misstep. You are not going to be the perfect mom, no one is. And believe me, you will have days where you feel anything but perfect…But those are the days you have to remember you are not alone! Just remember how special this short phase of their life is and embrace it.

LASTING ADVICE
“It takes a village to raise a child” – This is so true for the mom’s sake. As a mom, we need people to lean on and talk to. Days are long and hard and sometimes the night isn’t any easier. Having a village to share knowledge and experience with is important to all of our sanity. As a stay at home mom far away from her family, I feel alone and I know others do as well. So having people to share with and engage with is important. I go to a Mothers group. It is amazing! You aren’t a bad mom- you will make mistakes, we all do! As long as your baby is given food, shelter, safety and more love than anyone could possibly imagine… you are doing your job.

Get Alone Time and Don’t Feel Guilty- You deserve a break every once in a while. Take it and embrace it. Don’t feel guilty.

And finally, time goes by so fast. Love every minute of it. (Even the hard hours). I literally spend half of the day telling Maddison how cute she is and giving her a million kisses. It is the most amazing adventure and I wouldn’t change it for the world!

BUT Know…BEING A MOM IS HARD (and I am only at the beginning!)!

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Reading through Nicole's blog made me realize just how quickly the "mom guilt" sneaks in! There is no right or wrong way to be a mother. All we can do is surround ourselves with people who are understanding and support (and it doesn't hurt if your hubby is kind and helpful while you go through huge highs and lows being a new mom!).

"Successful mothers are not the ones that have never struggled. They are the ones who never give up, despite the struggles."

I agree with Nicole that getting a little time "off" from mom duty each week is crucial to not losing your shit!!!! It's so nice to know that each week you will have a little time to yourself. Time where you can think in silence, drink your coffee while it's still hot, listen to your music (gahhhhh if I had a penny for every time I had to listen to effing twinkle little star!! I'd have, like, a whole dollar), meet a friend to catch up, get in a workout, whatever!

Catch up on Mommy Monday blogs here:

Monday, August 1, 2016

Mommy Monday - Flourishing in Play

Hey mamas. Today Brittany is sharing. Brittany and I met through church at our MOPS group. We were not in the same group and have not had the chance to sit down and make a personal connection (yet) but she is the sweetest and has the most darling little kids! Do you ever just meet people and barely know them but you can feel that they are awesome and sweet and kind? That's how I feel about Brittany. I hope you enjoy her playful perspective on motherhood...

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“What’s wrong with her? Why won’t she play with the toys I gave her?” I asked this question to my momma as we stared at my peacefully sleeping three-week-old.

My three week old.

Go ahead and laugh. It is funny.

Friends, I was absolutely clueless as a brand new momma. Now, to be fair, at the time that I asked this question I was running on next to no sleep. I was also muddling through the first signs of what would eventually become full blown postpartum depression. Physically and emotionally I was a giant mess by week three of motherhood and I can't give much credibility to my deduction skills at that point.

So maybe, just maybe, there was a little more going on behind all of that naivety. But none the less, if you’ve been the momma of a newborn for much time at all then you know -- week old babies do not play.

They sleep. Or they don’t sleep (depending on the type of baby you got). They poop. They hiccup. They concoct funny little expressions with their faces as their eyes adjust to the light of the new world around them. They cry. And then they sleep some more.

As far as my philosophy of play is concerned, I’ve come a long way in my six years since becoming a momma. I've learned that it is perfectly acceptable for a pig tail sporting toddler to wear the same tulle embellished princess dress out of the house for a month straight...and sleeping in that dress is no exception. Pizza and juice stains are okay too. Eye rolling from mom is not allowed because after all, she is a princess. Bless it.

I've learned that little boys love everythiiing on wheels. And that includes the neighborhood garbage truck. And it will become a Wednesday morning ritual to sit on the front porch and cheer for that garbage truck while it drives and makes stops along the way. I've learned that I too am to share in that excitement.

I've learned that building living room forts may be the next best thing to waking up on Christmas morning. That hide and seek is always better when The Tickle Monster is invited to play along too. And, I've learned that this momma hates (I mean despises) making little toy figurines talk.

Anyone else with me on that last one? For years I have driven myself crazy with guilt over this dirty little secret. If I'm really being honest, I would prefer to visit the dentist over being forced to sit on my living room floor and make Barbie Big Boobs talk in a sing-songy voice. First, there's an inkling of jealousy over her well-endowed figure. Then there's the loss of adult dignity I feel when I'm forced to enter Barbie's make believe world. I've often found myself wondering, "What kind of momma doesn't like to play with her kids?"

Around the time of my daughter's second birthday I decided enough was enough. If I could accept an eccentric princess to accompany me on my trips to Target each week, then she could certainly expand her idea of "play" for me as well, right?

And so, I began to invite her into my world. The world of making banana muffins for our new neighbors, while teaching her to crack eggs and also that new people love to feel welcomed.

The world of running errands to Home Depot where we buy flowers and then plant them together in our yard as a surprise for daddy.

The world of gardening and squealing together over our first harvest of squash and the signs of our first budding tomatoes. The world where September 1st is always Happy Fall Day and we do everything Autumn related including shopping for new fall boots and smelling every new scent at the Yankee Candle Store together.

These are the things that I love and these are the things I am teaching my babies to love as well. These are the ways I am embracing who I was before I became a momma while I invite them to embrace and love this girl too.

You see Mommas, I don't think playing with our little ones has to mean we are reduced to yoga pants and messy buns while sitting cross legged on the playroom floor, watching the clock and counting down the minutes until daddy walks in the door to be our saving grace.

I don't believe God's vision of flourishing in motherhood was ever that we should be made to feel less ourselves simply because we are in a season of nurturing and cultivating relationships with our children.

What if we expanded our vision of play to include the identity of who we were before we added the role of momma? What if we chose to introduce our little ones to that girl and invited them to love her too?

I bet they would embrace her for all that she was and all that she is and all that she is becoming. I bet they would want to be just like her. When you became a momma, you didn't lose your identity. You simply expanded that identity and added a whole lot of beauty to it. I say this because maybe some of you are like me. Maybe some of you have felt lost in the midst of your role as "momma". But that's just so far from the truth.

You are still you. Now you just have the princess and super hero sidekicks to tag along with you.

You are still the girl who loves long distance running. You are still the one who loves theatre and dreams of someday wowing an audience again. You are still the artist, the singer, the writer, the yoga teacher, the lawyer, the animal lover.

No, Thomas the train did not ride in and take over. Barbie's voice has not silenced yours. Choose to believe that you are more you than you ever have been and invite those babies of yours into the world of loving that girl too.

-Brittany

Photo cred: Jessica Fox with Pix-Elated Photography

"Brittany is a big city girl turned little mountain momma. Six years ago her little family left the city skyscrapers of Chicago for a new adventure near the mountains of Colorado.

At the time of their move, Brittany was walking a really hard road of postpartum depression. Brittany began writing over at Little Mountain Momma as a way to heal and rediscover the girl she was before she became a momma. She says, 'Becoming a momma didn't cause me to lose my identity... it simply expanded it.'"

She is still the girl who loves long distance running and thinks road trips were invented for her. Brittany still gets lost in cheesy 90's childhood reruns and is a firm believer that everything is better with chocolate chips. These days she writes as a way to encourage mommas and to let them know they are loved and seen. At the end of the day, she believes we all just need that constant reminder!

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Isn't she great? While I was reading this I was sitting on the floor. In yoga pants. With my hair in a messy bun. Covered in food, spit up and who knows what else?! HA! I was laughing by myself while my kids ran amok around me. This was so great for me to read through. A good reminder than you don't need to feel "trapped" into kid activities just because you're a mom. They love doing the things you love (aka baking, reading, etc). I will be more intentional to let my kids into my world more often.

FYI, you can read all Mommy Monday blogs by clicking on the "Mommy Monday" tab on the top column of my blog. If you are reading this on your smartphone and don't see the top column (under my logo) then scroll to bottom of this post and click "view web version" and then you will see the top pink column where you can click on Mommy Monday to read the other posts by these amazing mothers. Hope that makes sense! XO

Monday, July 11, 2016

Mommy Monday - Self Discovery + Self Acceptance

Yay! It's Mommy Monday! We took a week off last Monday to celebrate the 4th of July with family. But we're back. And today my friend Sarah will be talking with us about her postpartum experience. Sarah and I are new friends who met through Instagram! She reached out to me, and I'm so glad. Instagram has helped create this little community and I love meeting new friends I wouldn't have met otherwise!! Sarah is also a blogger and you can find that HERE. Sarah's blog is unique because it is written by her and other woman, Katrina. This blog is fantastic and I encourage you to check it out!

This idea I had (Mommy Monday) has become something I look forward to every week! I really love hearing about other women and their stories. Not because I love reading about their struggles (although, it does feel good to know I'm not the only one who is a complete MESS inside. Misery loves company, eh?). But because it's so nice to hear women talk "real" about life and motherhood. It's soooo easy to compare and feel like everyone around us has their shit together. Which is NOT the case. It has been wonderful to read about other mother's perspectives and see that though their struggles, challenges, strengths, weaknesses may be extremely different from my own, we are all just doing our best to keep afloat, praying that we are giving our children the very best childhood.

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It’s crazy how my life turned upside down with my second baby. Don’t get me wrong my first pregnancywas a pretty good roller-coaster ride: it was a surprise, I don’t handle pregnancy well, I gained 50 pounds, it was an emergency c-section, he was 10 pounds and spent time in pediatrics – I mean the works. But all in all that only messed with my life for nine months and then I was left with this amazing, almost too calm and perfect little guy. My husband is EXTREMELY mellow – like to the point that when people first meet him they say, “he’s so calming.” Well baby boy was a chip off the old block. He slept well, he didn’t fuss much and when he was a toddler he listened to reason – for serious! I developed a theory: I was so “messed up” (emotions-on-my-sleeve, drama, anxiety-disorder, chronic pain issues, fatigue issues, etc.) that God was going to surround me with ultra-calm humans so that our family could hope to be “normal”. It’s funny to admit it out loud, but that was my honest-to- goodness thought.

Baby number two threw my whole theory out the window – and it was the best thing that ever happened to me. She came into the world fairly easy. Again pregnancy was a doozy, but it ended in what my OBGYN described as the “textbook vbac.” Just a little over 24 hours after we headed into the hospital we were headed out with our beautiful, healthy baby girl and life seemed perfect. Then reality hit: our baby girl did not get the super-mellow gene. She went from happy to fire-truck screaming in 0.5 seconds. She was a light sleeper and fussed through the nights. She was distracted easy while eating.

Now, I realize really she was just being a normal baby. My mom tried really hard to help me not panic about these very average behaviors. But, I couldn’t get over this deep-set fear that all of this was indicative of one terrible possibility: she was drama like me.

Fast forward six weeks. I tried to go back to work part-time to help my husband get through his last year of grad school and my hands started acting funny. They were tingly and would sometimes drop things spontaneously. We tried a few treatments. The tingling turned into pain. We tried different treatments. The pain increased and started radiating clear to my shoulders. We went to a specialist who said “no lifting, no diapers, no unassisted breastfeeding” and put me in these crazy big, stiff fore-arm braces until we “could get to the bottom of things.” So I had to quit work, I couldn’t care for my baby and life basically came crashing down around us. I found myself sitting there one day, trapped in those awful braces, staring at my sweet baby girl I couldn’t hold and asking myself why I was so afraid of raising her. The answer came tumbling into my brain: “she’s just like me and I don’t have a clue how to love me.” Oh! Lightbulb! It was time to get back into counseling and figure out this loving me thing.

This is already pretty long so I’ll bring it up to real-time. Its two years later. I’ve spent the last two years on this incredible journey of self-discovery and self-acceptance. I’m learning to love me and to use my emotions and drama, my illnesses and struggles as strengths in my life. I’ve learned that God’s plan was not to surround me with mellow so I could continue in flawed thinking about myself. Of course he had a better plan: one that involved sending me a gorgeous little bundle of sass, independence and yes, drama so that I could understand how much He loves me and her and all of us. And how I love her – my little beautiful pixie who came into the world and helped me learn to love deeper than I ever could before.

Oh and my hands got much better, too. Not to where I was before, but better. And this is why I love being parts of groups like this “Mommy Monday”. This is why I love seeing people like Stefanie shinning their light in the world. Because there is no “perfect” or “normal”. There are only human beings who are strong and flawed and worthy of love. And this is the most important lesson I’ve learned as a mother with chronic pain and habits of self-criticism I work each day to break: I can only do my best. Somedays my best is a long crazy day at the zoo and somedays my best is an I-pads in bed fest.

But I am always worthy of love – and you are too!!

Sarah

Oh! And if you could use a boost in the self-love department I recommend Beauty Redefined and the Mum Life Project for starters.

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Mommy Monday Blogs:

Wishing you all a wonderful Monday! If you are reading this and feel lead to share, please contact me! I'd love to hear from you and think this community we are building to let women feel comfortable letting down their guard, to feel less alone, to feel understood, etc is a beautiful thing. XO

PS Sorry if things on my blog look strange. I am currently giving my blog a little face-lift and it's taking some time and patience on my end! Thanks for bearing with me.

Monday, June 6, 2016

Mommy Monday - Virtual Fist Bump

Hey guys! Welcome back to Mommy Monday. We took a break last week for the holiday but now we're back at it! (PS Does it feel like Memorial Day was 1,840 years ago to anyone else?!) Today my "cousin" Amanda is sharing. I say "cousin" in quotes because we aren't actually related. We met in Cali when we were bitty babies (less than one year old) through church. Our families quickly became great friends and we were basically raised together. We were sad to say goodbye to them when we moved to CO a few years later, but they ended up moving to CO as well!

I even lived with Amanda's parents for a short while in college and they feel like family to me! I have been blessed to know them. Amanda lived in New York for 8 years but she recently moved back to CO with her hubby and three kids. Guess what's the best part ever?! We live across the street from each other now! We often meet up for play dates and it's been SO much fun going through this motherhood adventure with her. I love her to the moon! x-Stef

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I struggled putting this together. I keep thinking of funny stories (like the time I flushed Hugo’s underwear down the toilet) or words of wisdom I have learned from others that I now cling to (like putting the ketchup under the hot dog directly on the bun - less mess - genius, right?). And I just didn’t know what to write. I think that every woman out reading this probably has beautiful life stories to share and wisdom that we can all benefit from. I am looking forward to reading this series for that reason. There is one thing thought that I keep coming back to and is what I want to share on this Mommy Monday.

Over the last year, my parents have been dealing with the declining health of my father. It has involved lots of tubes, hospital stays, tears, doctor visits, and decisions - very very difficult decisions. Throughout this time, my siblings and I have taken turns staying with my dad, comforting my mom, and trying to think of everything that we could do to help. When I mentioned what my siblings and I were doing for my parents to a friend, they remarked how good we were and how lucky my parents were to have us. I was surprised. If they knew all that my parents had done for us, they probably would be asking why we weren’t doing more. (Stefanie knows my parents and probably would agree.) Growing up, my parents were the kind who arrived early to set up and stayed late to clean up. They showed up to all of our activities. They stayed up late with us when we had homework. When I went to college they still asked if they could read my essays and wanted to hear about every day at school. They weren’t perfect. They did yell at us, forget us at school, and have unreasonable expectations at times. But we knew they loved us. And showed us what it means to be family.

Now back to what I wanted to write. Being a mom is hard. It’s stressful. It’s physically exhausting. It’s painful. And it’s full of failures. I am guessing I’m not the only one who yells at their kids when they drop the entire bag of cereal on the floor. Or pee their pants. Or forget their backpack for the umpteenth time. I am probably not the only one who has cried in the parking lot over the horrible trip to the store. But I hope you know it’s worth it. I hope we can see that what we are building is the relationships that will create a family legacy. We are creating the mortar that will hold our families together through those hard times ahead. So consider this a virtual fist bump. You are doing a hard work and doing great. Failure is inevitable but so is success! You are building a family that will last through the years. Now let’s go do the dishes (or change a diaper in my case). ;)

XO - Amanda

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Here is a little throwback of Amanda and I (maybe 5 years old?) at preschool. Awww!