What's Up Buttarcup: Bye Bye To Ryder's Baby Room

This week we are switching Ryder into his new “toddler” room. I say “toddler” in quotes because he’s still going to be in a crib. I’ll keep him in a crib as long as possible! But we’ll be switching him out of the nursery and giving that room to the new baby. We’ll be adding some pink things in there for her, but other than that it’ll stay pretty close to the same room Ryder had. I LOVED Ryder’s nursery. It’s so peaceful and calm. And I really think he loves his nursery. When he gets really tired he’ll just point to his room or say “bed” and the second we get in there he tucks his head on my shoulder. It’s the sweetest!! I hope he loves his new room as much.

Something about him leaving his “baby room” is so emotional for me. Time is moving too fast and I just can’t believe he’s going to be TWO soon. I’ve been delaying this switch for a long time. I just can’t stomach the idea of my baby being such a big boy. I still call him “baby” and my husband is always saying “he’s not a baby anymore”. But he IS. He’s not even two yet. Listening to him be such a chatter box is so cute but it’s just constantly reminding me that I can’t stop time. And he won’t be little forever. I’ve said it a milllllllion times but I feel the time slipping through my fingers. I have looked forward to this “mommy” phase of life since I was a little girl dreaming of being a mommy and pushing my strollers around my neighborhood cul-de-sac.

I love that we have toys all over our house and that I find random toys in unusual places while he’s napping or down for the night. Like the other day I found his screwdriver in the fridge! LOL Sometimes I find a toys in the hamper, binkis in my shower, etc. Every now and then I'll pull up to the house to see my hubby and Ryder playing in the driveway and toys are all over the yard and I just love it. So strange, I know. But they are all just little reminders of my mini love-bug and oh my … it’s so fun watching him grow. I love that I have little baby hand prints on my mirror in my bathroom (sometimes he’s sits up there while I’m brushing my teeth or I’m slapping on some mascara for the day). And it doesn’t even bother me that the back seat of my car is covered in crumbs, milk stains and a random collection of toys he’s selected for the day. I love it.

Something about him switching moving out of his baby room just breaks my heart. I feel like before I know it he’s going to be five and headed off to school. I’ll miss him so much. Its so true that when you have a child it’s like a piece of your heart and soul are out walking around outside of you. It’s beautiful and painful all at the same time because I just want to squeeze him and eat him up!

Tonight was Ryder’s last night in his baby room. I don’t know why I’m so emotional about it. I really wanted to get some pics of his room because I love it. LOVE IT. And it’s going to be baby girl’s room now, so it’s going to change a tad. I asked my hubby during dinner tonight if he had any feelings about it and he just doesn’t. LOL Men and their oh, so logical brains! He said he just hopes the transition to his new room is smooth. Which I’m sure it will be. He doesn’t understand why I hold so much emotion toward that room. But I do.

We brought our baby home to that room. When I was pregnant, we sat in there daydreaming about what he would look like, what we were going to name him, etc. I have memories of just sitting in there on the floor day dreaming about him and about becoming a mom. What it would feel like to see him for the first time. To hold him.

I had told Tooth I wanted to get some bookshelves from Ikea (I really wanted two bookshelves - one on either side of the crib) and he said “IKEA?! I think we can do better than that. I’ll build some”. My hubby is reallllly handy. But you guys, I had NO idea my hubby was capable of just whipping together some amazing bookshelves from scratch! That’s a BIG deal!!!!! He had me show him some pictures of bookshelves I liked. The style, the trim, etc. He asked me questions about what I wanted the doors to look like, how tall I wanted them to be, etc. and BAM he made them. It took a lot of time for him, but I think he really enjoyed it. And OMG I LOVE them! They look amazing and I’m in awe of his humble ability to just have an idea and do it. He’s never built anything like this before and … I mean, look! He’s very talented. I was very impressed and those bookshelves are a wonderful memory to me.

I had this idea of something I wanted above Ryder’s crib, but I couldn’t figure out where to buy it. I showed it to my mom and she said “oh, I can make that”. She ALWAYS says this. LOL And she’s right, she can almost always make ANYTHING I show her. It’s amazing. We showed Tim and asked him to cut the wood and make it, and he did. My mom and I painted it and she wrote the saying of my choice on it. I LOVE IT!!!!!!! My mom is SO talented. I love, love, love this piece and will keep it forever. I also showed her this ruler/growth chart I wanted and we made that as well. It was really fun to have projects with both my mom and my hubby for our baby’s room. I look around and see little memories and it just warms my soul.

The light fixture and rocking chair were both splurges and I’ve loved them both so much! Totally worth it. I went through about 4 rugs before I got this white one and fell in love. This rug is amazingly soft!

Tonight we took pictures of his room before I put him to bed. About five minutes after I put him to bed I was in my robe and crying. I went back in to hold him again (something I never do). I picked him up and rocked him while tears were streaming down my face. It took everything in me to not let these tears turn into a loud, sobbing cry!! I didn’t want to wake him or worry him. I just kept squeezing him and thinking about all the memories in that room. All the baths he’s had. Being a goofball and laughing hysterically at the bubbles.

This is where I spent my nights. Rocking him and nursing him at all hours of the night. Just me and him. And Lincoln. Lincoln was ALWAYS there. Sitting on the ottoman. It didn’t matter how many times Ryder woke up or how long I stayed in there with him, Lincoln stayed in there with us. Every. Time.

I was rocking him, crying, remembering that my dad named this room the “womb room” (which he thought was hilarious) because Ryder’s sound machine makes the noise of a womb. It’s supposed to soothe them when they’re little and I’ve just always left it on that setting.

So many books were read in this rocking chair. So many back tickles and songs in his little baby ears. So many poopy diapers. So many late nights and early mornings. So many outfit changes. So many giggles. So many “I love you’s”. So many tears were shed (sometimes Ryder’s and sometimes mine). So many kisses and cuddles in this room.

When I look around this room I can’t help thinking of all the memories that were made and how much I love him. I’m so proud and blessed to watch him grow. But OH! I just wish he could stay little forever. Be my baby forever. Things are changing – they are always changing and it’s so exciting. And so hard. Motherhood has brought me so much joy. More joy than I know what to do with… it’s like I’m bursting at the seams!!

I love this little boy so much and for some reason this room change is just another reminder that he’s growing. And things are changing. I swear we just brought him home from the hospital last week! I remember standing in his room taking pictures with Tooth the day we went to the hospital to have him. I had NO idea how much my heart was going to grow. In an instant (well, after several hours of labor and a c-section!).

We’re entering a new phase of life. Ryder’s growing and we’re bringing home a new baby girl soon. And that phase of life will bring a lot of joy, too. I’ve just never experienced such an overwhelming amount of love before. I’ve never experienced wanting to “freeze” time before. I wish I could put these memories and these sweet little moments (like rocking him and feeling his breath against my chest) in a bottle and revisit them later.

Something about knowing we’ll never be in this room doing all those exact same things again breaks my heart. I’ll never rock him to sleep in that chair again. I’ll never change another diaper of his in that room again and I’ll never give him a bath in that bath tub again. Breaks. My. Heart. I’m sure the future phases of life will be just as much fun. But oh, my baby. #StayLittle